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We all have a slightly different lens through which we see what’s around us. With diverse backgrounds, expectations of our children, and outlooks on the world, it’s no surprise that people have different parenting styles when bringing up their children. However, some parenting styles are better suited to your child than others and will impact them for years to come.

Read on and see which parenting style resonates with you.

Permissive

Whilst the term ‘permissive’ is often interchanged with ‘lenient’, there is more to it as a parenting style. Your approach will be more ‘hands-off’, as you think your child will learn best with little interference. It is the antithesis to the much maligned ‘helicopter parenting’ where a parent is constantly hovering over their child, ready to swoop down and fix their problem for them or punish them for not having immediately acted in an expected way. As a permissive parent, you might set rules and have consequences, but you will rarely enforce them, and you’ll often give in to your child if they beg and plead enough. As they get older you’re more of a friend to them than a parent, where poor choices and bad behaviour are not discouraged or talked about, but rather they are seen as a fact of life. ‘Kids will be kids’, you will often lament. Whilst your children might show more creativity, this will often be accompanied by a struggle for focus. They will also find it hard to function within traditional frameworks, including the school system, and once they join the workforce.

Authoritarian

On the other end of the spectrum is the authoritarian parent. When your child asks you why they need to do something, you tell them ‘because I said so’. To you, the reason behind the rule is inconsequential. You make the rules and enforce them, and they just have to get used to that reality. Another common phrase an authoritarian parent uses when setting rules or boundaries with their children is, ‘It’s my way or the highway’. Children who grow up in these environments tend to follow rules and are made to feel sorry for their mistakes. Just remember that this obedience can come at a price, including children becoming good liars to avoid getting in trouble, developing poor problem-solving skills as they haven’t been encouraged to think through overcoming obstacles, and becoming anxiously aggressive towards authority due to their fear of punishment.

Authoritative

This parenting style sounds similar to Authoritarian, but is much more balanced. Whilst you remain in charge, you explain reasons behind rules, enforce rules and accompanying consequences, and try to maintain a positive relationship with your child by taking their feelings into consideration. You’ll tend to use praise and reward systems and invest time and energy into preventing behaviour problems before they start. You’ll use a lot of explanation, and consequences for actions, to ensure that your children understand your love for them is not attached to outcomes but is unconditional. You can be disappointed, angry, etc. with them but your love for them is not impacted. Children that are brought up with this parenting style tend to make better decisions and evaluate risks, as well as show responsibility and comfort in expressing opinions as they grow older.